Home from the Hospital

Wow. I'm home, and the world seems so much bigger than I ever imagined. Several chronic illnesses, including OCD, PTSD, chronic musculoskeletal pain, Bipolar 1, ASD, a sensory processing disorder, and lets be honest, probably a cocktail of other stuff too (I think of It like a mental health soup) combined with major life changes (graduating college, moving from Boston to Las Vegas, seeing doctor after doctor who spoke before they listened) came together to give me the biggest health scare of my life. I will write more about psychosis, manic attacks, and the difference between mania and hypomania, from an educational perspective. But more pressing to me is to continue my work on my two plays: "MANIA" and "My Third Roommate". These are the first of many plays I plan to write centering mental health, trauma, and healing. Sometimes art, theatre, and story telling can explain something so much better than any Google search ever could.

Many people in my life have said they want to advocate for those living with mental disabilities, but then they hear words like "Bipolar", "Schizophrenic", "Suicide", and their first reaction is fear. My roommate from the psychiatric hospital has schizophrenia, and she's one of the kindest, smartest, strongest, most down to earth people I've met. She's all those amazing things while also having hallucinations, paranoia, fear, and doubt throughout the day and either nightmares or insomnia at night. I never once felt afraid around her. In fact, I think we both uplifted each other in a magical way, and I know I have a friend for life, even If I never see her again.

A lot of psychiatric hospitals are just tying to get someone "stable", but they don't teach you that you can turn your illness, your unique brain, into a superpower. What a gift that as an artist I have experienced the highest of highs, joy in It's very purest of forms, and depression so low that the tears come before I even know why.

It's not surprising people are afraid when they hear certain words, because people are afraid of what they don't know. Afraid of uncertainty. Afraid If they say the wrong thing they will set us off. Afraid they'll have to "handle" us.

Less than 3% of the population has Bipolar Disorder. One reason is that It's a more rare gene, but the more alarming reason that number is so small is because 15-20% die by suicide, and 30-50% attempt suicide. Suicide. Say the word. I know It's so scary. But keep saying the word, keep speaking with people with these mental disorders (or I think I'll start calling them advanced cognitive abilities), and I promise It won't be as scary anymore for either of us.

Anyway, I'm ready for bed. Ready to take my night meds. And I'm going to be brave and lie In bed with my thoughts, with the knowledge that nightmares could very well occur. But also with the knowledge that when I wake up, I'll be even stronger than I already am.

Emery :)